How To Manage Anger

by Patrick Liew on August 16, 2019

How To Manage Anger

Anger is a healthy part of every human, and it is a tool that you can use for good.

For example, anger can compel a person to respond to and resolve continued abuse and violence.

However, when anger is unleashed regularly and it becomes uncontrollable, it can create problems for yourself.

These problems include negative effects on your health, career and relationship.

Anger is never a healthy and sustainable solution to resolve any issue.

The following are 10 tips on how to manage anger.

1. Take precautionary measures.

Look after yourself properly and improve your well being so that you are in a better position to manage your emotional life.

It includes learning to rest and relax, sleep well, get enough exercise, expose to adequate sunlight, and enjoy other meaningful activities.

Avoid alcohol, drugs, junk food, and toxic relationships that can make you more vulnerable to unleashing anger and going down the wrong path.

Manage negative thoughts that can cause your temperature to rise.

Learn to sense warning signals that you’re about to flare up.

These signals include tightening of muscles, pressures in your head, feelings of heat and warming sensations, and quickening of the heartbeats.

Be more vigilant in dealing with tasks, people, or situations that have a tendency to trigger undue anger.

Keep a log of what happened prior to, during, and after an angry outburst.

Journal how anger has created problems for you.

By doing so, you motivate yourself to continue to control and manage anger.

Through journaling, you can become more sensitive to how your emotions can run roughshod over you.

And help you better respond to and manage anger.

1. Call for a timeout.

When you sense that you’re going to spin into anger or when you’re in an angry mood, imagine a big red “Stop” sign flashing at you.

Take a timeout before speaking or taking any other action.

For example, you can extract yourself out of a challenging situation so that you do not end up overreacting to the situation.

If you can’t isolate yourself, ask for a break and detach yourself mentally and emotionally from the situation.

Allow others who are in the same situation to take a timeout before engaging each other.

1. Calm yourself down.

When your mind is calm and clear, and your emotion is under control, you are in a better position to resolve an issue.

There are many ways to cool down, and you should choose the way that best suit yourself and the situation.

For example, you can use a series of deep breathing to calm yourself.

Count slowly from 100 to 1, and as you do so, tell yourself to become more and more relaxed.

Speak words that’ll calm yourself down. Eg. “Be calm”, “Take it easy”, “Relax” etc.

Engage yourself in an imagery exercise.

Visualize yourself being in a wonderful place and doing things that uplift you.

In addition, you can listen to soothing music, read an inspirational article, or craft a positive message.

Take a walk, go for a swim, or look at something that cheers you up.

Program yourself to manage your emotion and other areas of your life through positive self-talk.

Change the way you view anger, people and life such that you’ll become more focused on what’s important in achieving positive results.

You’ll never get upset with small stuffs and as they say, everything is small stuff. Be happy.

Learn to see humor even in a bad situation but don’t resort to sarcasm or insults to amuse yourself and create more problems.

Imagine the person upsetting you as a cartoon figure that’s lost but just doesn’t know how to ask for direction and for help properly.

Continue to incorporate more and better ways to help you calm down, relax, and be at peace with yourself.

Let your sound mind catch up with and prevail over a raging emotion so that you’ll not take any rash action.

1. Find the positives in every situation.

There’s a positive purpose, meaning and significance even in the worst situation.

Find reasons to appreciate the good in every experience.

Be grateful that the experience could have turned out to be worse than what it was.

If nothing else, be mindful that every experience that you go through is meant to help you become a wiser, stronger, and more resilient person.

1. Think carefully before taking any action.

Don’t focus on what the other party has done wrong or what makes you angry.

Instead, focus on how to resolve the issue and improve the situation.

Use logical arguments to convince yourself that getting angry will never fix a problem.

In fact, when you loose yourself in anger, you may create a negative impression to the people around you and even be treated as a trouble-maker by them.

Remember that you cannot unwind the clock and correct words that have been spoken and actions that have been taken.

Therefore, think clearly and carefully about consequences of your action and whether your action can achieve the best outcomes.

1. Remove root causes of anger.

Resolve causes of anger rather than its symptoms to have a more sustainable solution.

For example, you may be driven by an underlying belief that the world should meet up to your expectation.

If you don’t change such a negative belief, you’ll end up frustrating and upsetting yourself.

In addition, eliminate emotional causes that can trigger anger.

For example, are you angry because you are tired, stressed, ashamed, sad, hurt, fearful, insecure or vulnerable?

These and other emotions can manifest itself in anger.

Until and unless you resolve these emotional issues, you’ll have a tendency to respond to people who upset you with aggression and anger.

Continue to improve your problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills.

Improve your discipline, focus, grit and resilience in resolving challenges and closing all the files properly.

1. Go beyond the issue.

Bear in mind that anger is only a messenger.

Find out what’s bothering you and how you should respond to and resolve the issue.

Consider if it’s worthwhile to continue to dwell on your emotion and the situation.

If you cannot change the issue, you need to change yourself to have a better future.

Rise up to be a better person, and to pursue worthwhile causes.

Continue to be grateful for all the blessings in your life.

Strengthen your compassion for the poor, needy and disadvantaged.

Learn to be sympathetic to others.

Do not judge the people who have upset you or compare yourself with them.

Empathize with them because they may have gone through a bad day or are struggling with difficulties in life.

When you look at the big picture, you can turn an upset from what seems like a mountain to become a molehill.

You can neutralize a bad situation and develop a more magnanimous spirit.

And create a more conducive environment to achieve positive outcomes.

1. Forgive and forget.

Learn to forgive your transgressors.

If you don’t, your transgressors will still move on, but you may end wallowing in unhappiness, resentment and even hatred.

Having an unforgiving spirit may hurt you and quite possibly, affect your endeavors, relationships, and other areas of your life.

After you have learned from the experience, bury the experience in the past.

Free up room in your mind and heart to pursue worthwhile activities and pursuits.

1. Craft an anger management plan.

Study the above items and fill in details on how you can adopt these tips to respond to and resolve anger.

Craft a plan, with actionable steps to help you manage and control anger.

Seek help from a credible, trusted and supportive friend to help you carry out the plan.

Journal your experiences with anger.

Detail what you have done rightly and wrongly, and draw lessons from every experience.

Continue to improve on your plan and find better ways to live your life.

1. Seek professional help.

Anger can become uncontrollable at times for everybody.

If you find it hard to control and manage your anger, seek professional help.

Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

It’s a show of courage and not cowardice to be able to get assistance to help you stand up to a problem and grow bigger than the problem.

Specialists in anger management are equipped with knowledge and skills to help you.

They can show you different tools and techniques to help you control your emotions, including anger.

Seek help before something untoward happen as a result of anger and other emotions.


I hope this message will find a place in your heart.

By the way, I have also recorded other reflections.

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